“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” – Malcolm Forbes
Comparison is often seen as the "thief of joy," and while it can be, it’s also a natural way we learn and grow. We’re social creatures, and by observing others, we learn what’s possible—and sometimes, what we feel is missing in our own lives. At its best, comparison can inspire us to grow. But when we aren’t careful, it acts as a “great separator,” isolating us and making us feel disconnected from ourselves and others.
A sense of scarcity often drives this disconnect. We live in a world that promotes competition, leading us to believe we must secure what we can—whether it’s success, happiness, or stability—because there never seems to be enough to go around. We start to covet what others have, comparing ourselves not just to them, but also to an idealized version of who we think we should be. This distorts our sense of self and opens the door to perfectionism, leaving us chasing something that’s always just out of reach.
What’s worse, these comparisons are often based on illusions. We see only fragments of others’ lives—their successes, their joy, the highlights they share. But we don’t see their struggles or the challenges they face. In these comparisons, we’re not dealing with reality, but with a fantasy, which only deepens our isolation.
However, comparison isn’t always bad. If we look closely, it can teach us something about ourselves.
Beneath envy or jealousy often lies a deeper question: “What am I really longing for here?”
When we shift our focus, comparison becomes a mirror, reflecting our own unmet needs and desires. Rather than fueling dissatisfaction, it can offer us a chance to listen compassionately to ourselves. What are we longing for, and how can we nurture that need with kindness?
At its core, comparison is a natural human tendency. It’s neither entirely friend nor foe, but a tool that can guide us if we let it. When approached mindfully, comparison offers not only the possibility of growth but also the chance to understand ourselves more fully. Rather than stealing our joy, it can reveal what truly brings us closer to fulfillment.