Ally

The good news is that the parts of us we once silenced still live within us.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. —Anaïs Nin

Self-abandonment often begins in childhood—when voicing needs felt unsafe or unwelcome. To protect ourselves, we learned to shrink, to appease, to mold into versions of ourselves that others found acceptable. Over time, this survival strategy becomes habit. As adults, we may default to people-pleasing, silencing our needs to avoid conflict and maintain connection. But this comes at a cost: a slow erosion of identity and a growing dependence on external validation.

The good news is that the parts of us we once silenced still live within us—and they can be brought back into the fold with care. Reconnection begins with empathy, not just for others, but for ourselves. We can cultivate inner allies—parts that support, advocate, and affirm us with the same compassion we offer our loved ones. These voices remind us that our needs matter, that boundaries are not betrayals, and that self-respect is not selfish.

Healing from self-abandonment is about reclaiming the right to belong to ourselves. When we learn to listen inwardly with tenderness, we build a relationship with the self that no longer demands approval to feel worthy. From this place, we grow steadier, more whole—and far more capable of connection that doesn't cost us our authenticity.